October 3 2009

Escape!

This picture was from July 09, my step sister took this and several others. Anyway, we are doing pretty good. We have been spending lots of time at my parents house so the kids have a safe smoke free place to play, while we love the inside space of our apartment, the outside is polluted by disrespectful neighbors who use foul language and don't care who is around when they decide to give themselves lung cancer. The foul language part includes the children around the complex. I just heard of a study that said children who eat chocolate and candy everyday are more likely to become violent criminals when they grow up, but I think its more likely the deterioration of family morals that causes violent criminals. Anyway we are trying to put up with this place for now cause it fits the budget.

I keep wondering if I am in denial or insensitive about loosing the baby, but while I am so disappointed and sad I am a little bit relieved...not relieved about not having another child although the timing was a bit off, but relieved that I know the embryo never had a heart beat, it feels like the spirit that was going to come to us probably did not enter. So I feel like there is another spirit waiting to join our family but maybe she still had work to do with our Father in Heaven. Either way I am so grateful to know that we are an Eternal family now.

Minus #3

Well, I now know why they say not to tell everyone you know that your expecting till 12 weeks...
Last Thursday the 17th I started spotting, not heavily but even a little is too much. I havent had any pain with the spotting but I was concerned so I called the Dr. who had me go to the lab for a blood test to check hormone levels. In the begining of pregnancy these levels double every about every 48 hours. My levels did not even close to double, so I had an ultra sound today which showed us the "embryo" had not developed a yolk therefore does not have its own life support and never even had any cardiac development. So I'll miscarry within the next month but I pray it dosent take that long. Its so small that it should just seem like a really heavy period, I wont need to have a D&C. So its really sad but I am so relieved that I never heard a heart beat then have this happen. Its wierd to see and feel the changes that your body goes through in the begining of a pregnancy and know that I wont get to see my belly get big and round and then push out that little infant. I guess having these feelings means that we arent ready to be done having children, its just not going to be right now.

Happiness

I have just been thinking a little about being happy and finding joy in life. I was watching my kids play at the park today and was just filled with joy at the site of their little smiles and giggles. Thea is my little water baby she loves to get wet, swim and splash around. Ben still enjoys the water but he's a bit more hesitant he would rather play on the bouncy toys and explore the jungle gym.

Expecting #3

I am so excited to tell you that we are going to have baby #3. I found out last Sunday, I have been pretty emotional about things the last few weeks, I even cried at Thea's dental appointment cause she had a cavity then when I didnt have time to put my mascera on before church I through it in the bag to put on in the car on the way but then I forgot where I put it and I was so upset like crying, wierd. Then we were watching Hancock (an action movie) I was crying during a "tender" moment like really tears and catching my breath crying. After my last cycle was just a spotting I was like ok we are going to buy a pregnancy test, the first one was positive and Bat and I are like OH my Gosh! that explains alot, and oh my Gosh! #3 I'll take another test in a day or two, so the next test on Tuesday was also positive. So Im waiting for my first OB appointment on the 14th of September. I really am so happy and I just cant wait to welcome the completion to our family, I know he (or she) will fit right in.

Thea

I just wanna take a second to talk about my Thea. We were @ WalMart buying undershirts in the "big girl" isle now and so there were training bras and Thea asked when she would get to wear those garments pointing to a training bra that had green frogs on it, it was so cute. She sometimes gets growing pains in her legs and last night Bat and I took turns rubbing her right leg. We had a play day today with one of her classmates from school last year and they played so nice all day (literally 9 hours, I was babysitting) there was no bickering or crying it was GREAT! I just cant believe how fast she is growing, now that I have two and Thea is a little bigger the moments pass so quickly they are sometimes hard to grab. When Im busy being a mom and wife I have to remind myself to just slow down and enjoy it, enjoy her and Ben too. I have been going through some of her baby clothes and found the little outfit we brought her home in, oh I love baby pink. I guess its got me all nostalgic.

picture

I love to see pictures when I read a post so I thought you might also, the only catch is that I havent downloaded my camera in a while so this is from Easter. My step sister Michael Crowe took some family photos for us and we are waiting on those so when I get them I'll post again.

Fresh Start

The Ballao family has moved into our own cute little apartment, its in the East Valley area. We are going to be in 22nd ward, we really want to stay in East valley ward till some one says we need to go to our own but I think it will be good to really make our own life, funny five years of marriage and I'm just now having that frame of mind. Thea is so excited to have her own room and has already been sleeping though the night there, which tells me moving was a very good decision. Bat is almost half way through the surgical tech program, he will be done around the end of March or April next year. So because we have rent now and Bat isn't working as much (in order to do well in school) I am studying to take the CDL with school bus endorsement and hopefully when school starts in September I will be driving a school bus for CVSD. It actually goes right along with the goals I made earlier in the year. My little Ben Ben is also doing well with the move, we are all just right at home.

caution Downer post

Sorry i haven't blogged in a long time, I just checked out every ones blog I follow and now Im once again inspired to give you an update...We have moved into an apartment in the 22nd ward, we wanted to stay in the valley cause Bat is still going to school at Alpine college(its in the same complex as Apollo and just off the freeway by spaulding) anyway. I have to put up a disclaimer at this point, I love my mom very much and I am grateful for the things she does for me, BUT we just had to get away from her, in all fairness I am her daughter and therefore I do have some things in common with her, things I want to spend the rest of my life changing. Most days I wanted to shout about how much I hate the things she does, oh saying it out loud sounds and looks horrible but those are feelings I am trying to get over after all it is a choice and our choice was to LEAVE. I feel like I have this sick addiction to her like I hate her but need her opinion and approval on everything, well no more Bat and I found our little place on our own without her opinion or approval, Im even hanging pictures and stocking cupboards without asking her where they should go. I know I sound so dysfunctional Im 30 years old for crying out loud, we never should have moved to her house in the first place. OK OK thats my little rant sorry for the downer. It is really the best for her and for us to be on our own it wasnt a healthy relationship or environment for my family. Im so tempted to dish details but that wouldnt be right enough is enough. we are out and we can make a fresh start.

Twilight

I am in love with this series, there I said it...Im totally obsesed and loving every minute of it. I am glad I can read the whole series at once because if I had to wait to long in between Id go crazy. I love that after watching Twilight I can hear the voices and picture their faces as I read, especially Edward.

X-Ray

My Ben has been sick with a terrible cold for about 4 weeks. At one point he was diagnosed with a sinus infection and was prescribed amoxacillian about 7 days into a 10 day corse he was still getting fevers so I took him off to the Dr.s again where they swabbed for RSV which came back negative and ordered a stronger dose of antibiotic then sent us to get a chest x-ray to check for numonia which also came back negative and the stronger antibiotics seem to be working but tomarrow is the follow up. Any way the x-ray is really what Im getting to, have any of your children had this done? They strapped him in what looked like a baby torture chair made of wood plastic and leather, it was crazy...they put these clear half tubes around him with his arms up and made it so tight he couldnt move (yes I realize this is necessary to get a clear picture). Anyway it was a jarring experience and Im glad it was over in about a minute and Im grateful I have healthy children and pray we all continue to be so.

Valentines card

Bats card made me laugh so hard I hope you also find it amusing.

continue the update

So on the 2nd of February we celebrated Bens 1st birthday and the long awaited hair cut. His fine baby hair was getting in his eyes so...

off it went. I know sad right, now he has this corse "big boy" hair like his Daddy but it looks so cute and now he can see out. We all had a great time at his birthday party he really got into his cake and got lots of fun boy toys like trucks and race cars.

Alright already

Im so sorry that I am such a lazy blogger. You would think that I am so busy or have some great excuse for not updating but alas...I dont, so here is an update anyway.

Its hard to know where to start since its been so long, I've been thinking about so many things since then. We went to southern Texas for new years and it was so nice and warm, Bat has several aunts that live there so we went to visit and his mom who lives in Tokyo was approved for her visitors visa and we got to see her there too which was quite a treat.

I have never experienced such a fun family new years...its true that everything is bigger in Texas the party and fireworks were so fun!

Thea had a great time playing with her cousins one of which is from Tokyo and speaks no english but they really played well together, it must be the language of children. Here they are showing off their tatoos.

I need to find my camera to upload more photos standby.