Feeling a bit better

So I am feeling much better since my last post, that does not however mean that I have been on my treadmill. he he Its just means that I am getting perspective. I get to go to Portland this weekend by my self, well with out my hubby or children that is. I am going to a scrap booking retreat with my friend Spring. Of course I'll love having the time to scrapbook but I am more excited about the idea of using the time to ween my son from his night time comfort nursing. So Sunday night was the last time I nursed him and Ive just been telling him that its all gone and just love him back to sleep and two nights now have been fussy but not a battle. It is so hard to tell him no cause he asks so kindly saying "num num pease" that's also how I know its time though, cause he can ask for it! So by the time Friday rolls around and mommas gone I hope he'll be OK. I think since I'm the one who is telling him no more but I'm still here it'll be OK. If I had just left and there was no more "num num" he might feel abandoned. And I certainly don't want my child to have abandonment issues.
Anyway other that that we are gearing up for a busy couple of months I am starting a Pampered Chef business and my grand opening show is the 29th of January and I'm really excited about trying to get that off the ground. They have terrific kitchen tools that make putting together a delicious and simple meal fun and easy!
Then Ben's 2nd birthday is on the 2nd of February, we are having a choo choo party, it should be fun. The open house for the CCS is that week and so is ready for kindergarten. So bring on the day!
Oh just an update on my last post, remember how I said this is the first time ever that Ive consistently taken birth control, well I think that's the cause of my crazy feelings and mood swings. No decision yet on whether I'll continue the pill or try a non hormonal method.

Ok, I know

It has been far too long since I posted a blog and I was thinking that I really just want to do this more as a journal than to update friends but luckily it serves both purposes. Except that if it were actually a journal I would have no second thoughts about telling my weird dreams that wake me to tears and make me think Im going crazy or how I sometimes wish I weren't married but the second I say that I regret it. Am I a bit literally mentally unstable? Oh I know I need some exercise because Im addicted to yummy salty, sweet treats and I need some positive endorphins going through this body and I need the sweet presence of the Lord. I miss it and I feel like Im drowning. Its all I can to to put on this face for my husband and take care of my beautiful children that I hope I dont ruin them. I want to be happy inside but what does that even mean? Ive been trying to figure out why I am the way I am and in doing so have to examine the relationship of my mother and I and I have always thought she was a bit crazy I mean that in the dearest terms. But anyway I want to blame her but really what good does that do? I just need to do better so that my daughter doesnt feel that way about me. I feel like its so hard to admit these things cause its like it makes me a bad mom or a bad wife. Ive been so weepy. No not prego, faithfully taking birthcontrol for the first time ever. My heart is telling me EXERCISE is the answer.
I am going to get my treadmill today from my moms, Its gonna be so hard to change my eating habits though, no excuses.