It has been far too long since I posted a blog and I was thinking that I really just want to do this more as a journal than to update friends but luckily it serves both purposes. Except that if it were actually a journal I would have no second thoughts about telling my weird dreams that wake me to tears and make me think Im going crazy or how I sometimes wish I weren't married but the second I say that I regret it. Am I a bit literally mentally unstable? Oh I know I need some exercise because Im addicted to yummy salty, sweet treats and I need some positive endorphins going through this body and I need the sweet presence of the Lord. I miss it and I feel like Im drowning. Its all I can to to put on this face for my husband and take care of my beautiful children that I hope I dont ruin them. I want to be happy inside but what does that even mean? Ive been trying to figure out why I am the way I am and in doing so have to examine the relationship of my mother and I and I have always thought she was a bit crazy I mean that in the dearest terms. But anyway I want to blame her but really what good does that do? I just need to do better so that my daughter doesnt feel that way about me. I feel like its so hard to admit these things cause its like it makes me a bad mom or a bad wife. Ive been so weepy. No not prego, faithfully taking birthcontrol for the first time ever. My heart is telling me EXERCISE is the answer.
I am going to get my treadmill today from my moms, Its gonna be so hard to change my eating habits though, no excuses.
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About Me
- Sheri
- We have 2 beautiful children who make me want to be a better person every day and a husdand that I appreciate and I am blessed with friends and family who show me everyday how much they love me...Thank you.
Eternal Family
May'07 Philippines
2 comments:
Oh sheri. I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I will exercise with you when I come home.
Sheri I don't think you will ever ruin your kids. I have seen you in action as a mother and you are amazing and your little kiddos seem very happy.
I love you and I sort of understand. Life can be hard.
I just got a gym membership this week. ENOUGH! I want to exercise too and feel good about myself. Exercise doesn't solve everything but it helps A LOT. I am excited to drop the kids off at day care for an hour and just be by myself for a while...even if it means just walking on a treadmill and listening to good music.
Your Mom is what she is. Love that crazy woman. She is kind of crazy...I only know that fun crazy side of her...but I think my Dad is sort of crazy too. I am still trying to figure him out. The whole parent relationship thing kind of takes a lifetime to sort through- you don't want to blame or make excuses but you know there must be some sort of connection...I have learned to love my Dad despite how he has hurt me- I don't invest a whole lot of time in him, but I do call ever so often and I truly love him as a person. I have come a long way. baby steps. But I have learned to let go...I think it helps that I live far away too.
My Dad is actually a really great person. He is wonderful but I did a lot of healing when I came to terms that maybe he wasn't always the nicest, that he didn't always trust me, that he hurt Mom sometimes, and once I came out of denial I was able to start forgiving him and see him in a different light. It doesn't mean we became best buddies, but I loved him...yet kept my distance. Maybe someday you will find that to be the case with your Mom.
But your Mom lives close...so good luck. Love you Sheri. I have always loved being your friend because you have always been so open. It has been easy to care for you.
My Dad is getting married on Saturday. There is an open house afterwards at the Paynes in Newman Lake. You should come. I will be there. It will be a quick weekend.
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